Category Archives: Journal

Perhaps I ought to subscribe to ‘Christianity’ magazine, as there are often some very good articles in it: I don’t always get it, as I’m away a fair bit, as you know(!) and by the time I get to my local Christian bookshop, they’re gone….

This month, there’s an article on ‘Building a Platform’ – writer Ruth Garner heads the article by asking ‘Is the lure of fame and fortune winning out over kingdom-building and serving God?’. She addresses the issue of ‘fame’ – though, in the Christian world, especially in the United Kingdom, that means being a big fish in a relatively small pond. There are people I know who want celebrity, status, recognition. There are, of course, plenty of those on the ‘God Channels’ on TV, image is vital, appearance, audience, sales – all become important.

Probably not too many who read my blogs will have heard of Ken McGreavy: sadly for us, he’s no longer with us, but enjoying the voice of his beloved Jesus saying, ‘Well done, good, and faithful servant’. I got to know Ken way back in the ’70s, when both of us were involved in Youth for Christ. For a brief period, I remember Ken being asked to do the ‘Bible Readings’ each morning at Spring Harvest, in that same era. But he was never really on the ‘radar’ of those wanting the big name, big personality speakers. When God called Ken into ministry, as a (wonderful) prophetic Bible expositor, God gave him a choice: ‘Do you want prominence, or do you want significance?’

If you knew Ken, you’ll know what he chose. If you never heard of him, you’ll know what he chose! Ken’s life and ministry had a profound effect on countless people, in ministry today, because of the significance of a great man of God. I lost touch with him towards the turn of the millennium, but his influence on me was enormous.

Those of you who read here often (aside: you know, it’s interesting to hear from people who read my blog, as some of the people I’d have thought read it, don’t – ‘cos they ask where I am, where I’ve been, what’s happened, and so on – which is all in these pages!) – and therefore see quite a few of the posts I put on Facebook, will know that I really respect, rate, and blown away by, an American preacher by the name of Francis Frangipane. In this country, he, too, would probably not be very well known. I read a quote of his today, that sort of prompted this chain of thought. Here’s what he said: ‘If you find yourself more drawn toward prayer than self promotion, more toward humility than hype, you are being prepared by the Holy Spirit for the glory of God’. God, please, please, please, keep me from self-promotion…..

For many years, I had people telling me to produce ‘publicity’ about myself, write a book/books, go to places where I might be ‘noticed’. For some years after my time in Youth for Christ, I was pretty narked with God. Why? Because in my era in the movement, there were many of us, similar ages, maybe similar backgrounds, all working together – people who went on to become Christian ‘household’ names – Clive Calver, Graham Kendrick, Eric Delve, Sheila Walsh, Roy Crowne – I could go on. All great men and women of God, all of them on ‘big platforms’ like Spring Harvest, in demand here, there, and everywhere.

And I was narked, because that didn’t happen to me! I’d ask God ‘Why aren’t I like Graham Kendrick?’ (‘Well, you can’t play a guitar and sing properly!’: ‘Why aren’t I like Clive Calver?’ (‘Well, he actually understands the Bible, he knows how to present it, and he’s not shy like you are!’). I left YFC in 1983: and it was a while before God finally cornered me, and I began to become happier with my ‘lot’.

But then I started going to the States, and people WANTED me to have a ‘ministry organisation’, publicity, the lot. I just didn’t want that. That’s where Ken’s story impacted me so much. I fought against even having a website until about 7 years ago (I’ve been in ‘ministry’ – whatever that means! – for 34 years); what I REALLY want this website to do is just be a vehicle for telling about what God is doing, about miracles, about ordinary people who’ll never be on the ‘big platform radar’, seeing God do astonishing stuff.

It’s funny, but about 8 or 9 years ago, I was ‘persuaded’ to write a book: a book that, if I wrote it I felt, I’d want to encourage ‘ordinary’ people into mission/ministry, but that was funny, too. I had a lot of wonderful editing help from a certain Adrian Plass, who I’d known since the late 70’s too. In fact, the church we were in was the church in ‘The Sacred Diary of Adrian Plass, aged 37½’…. most of those characters, caricatured in inimitable Plass style, sure, really existed….

Adrian touted the book around publishers (and as probably the UK’s highest-selling author, he had clout!), but the recession was looming, and ‘new, unknown’ authors weren’t on the publishers’ radar, either. I was relieved, to be honest, as my ‘style’, when I’m speaking, is NOT to have a slot where I sell my ‘stuff’:  as part of what I’ve just preached/spoken, I want to start praying for people immediately, as faith is raised then: to stop and sell would cut it like a knife, kill it stone dead.

Last year, through a good friend, I was put back in touch with a publisher. I won’t say which one, you’ll see why in a moment! They want/wanted to publish my book, having read it (it’s ‘sat’ on my computer for years!). I ummed and ahhed about it: saw one of their editors, who emailed me regularly to ask me if I’d done some relatively minor tweaks that they wanted. I dragged my feet doing them, if I’m honest. THEN – that editor wrote to me again: telling me the name of another editor who’d look after me, as and when I decided to run with it, because she was leaving – to go into mission, in part as a result of having read my draft! If that’s all it was for, it was worth it!

This article in ‘Christianity’ goes on to talk about ‘preachers charging’ fees…. man, this one is a contentious issue! When I began, I didn’t have the ‘same’ call as Ken: God’s a bit more creative than that! Mine was to trust him, for home, security, and finance, and never to ask a fee’. Of course, preachers have to ‘live’ – preaching IS their living – it’s mine: and for me, I hope and pray that people in ‘western world’ countries will recognise that it doesn’t cost nothing for a preacher to be in a church, especially these days. Preparation time, travelling time, fuel, wear and tear on the car, the car…! – bills, rent/mortgage, the same as anyone else….

I heard, a few years ago now, about a church in Scandinavia who wanted to book a ‘big name’ American preacher. No problem: just the preacher, a large ‘entourage’ travelling with them, first class airfares for all of them, a whole floor of a hotel, and about $5,000 a day, all to be guaranteed. The church agreed: on condition that the preacher guaranteed 5,000 people saved a day during their visit, and a certain number of miracles. Needless to say, the preacher backed out!

Most of the places I go to couldn’t even afford my taxi fare from where I stay, to their church, let alone an airfare (first class? dream on! – cattle class here, or ‘sardine class’, as giant Adrian Plass calls it!), a hotel… just the fact that a foreigner will GO to their little church, often in a dangerous area, means that they are expectant, and miracles happen. I preached a lot last week in Colombia: I didn’t receive a single peso (there are 3,000 to the £!). Would I swap for all the trimmings? Not on your life!!!

I often find myself under pressure from other PREACHERS to ‘charge’. I can’t. I won’t. If it means I never become famous – thank you, Jesus. If it means I never have a book to sell – so be it. Who’d buy my book in a church of 15 people, in the poorest part of Cali, Colombia, or Mexico City, or Africa? And how would I get them there? The size and weight of my luggage is a standing joke among people who travel with me, anyway, let alone an additional bag full of books -which I’d have to give away, and in English, too, when they only speak Spanish, or Swahili, or …whatever!

Prominence or significance? I know what I want, but it’s tough when you know preachers who ask for, and get, £100’s or $1000’s for going somewhere. So all you lovely people who support me regularly, THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart. You make it BEGIN to be possible: what I know I will receive each month is about 25% of what I need – so, ‘trust me…for your finance….’ has been, and no doubt WILL be my story. He’s certainly done the ‘security’ and ‘home’ bits over the years, and, as I often say to people, after 34½ years of this, do I LOOK anorexic to you….????!!!!

Let me leave you, again, with that Francis Frangipane quote: ‘If you find yourself more drawn toward prayer than self promotion, more toward humility than hype, you are being prepared by the Holy Spirit for the glory of God’.

Yes, please, Lord….

Heard this great quote today from Jesse Duplantis, speaking on the absolutely essential topic of having vision. Most of you know that I spent 18 years speaking at Youth with a Mission schools, from – literally – Buenos Aires to Seoul, Korea, from the USA to Christchurch, New Zealand, and across much of Latin America, on that very subject. Mine was ‘Goals, Dreams, & Visions’: it started as a 3 hour teaching session (lasting one morning) to – if the schools wanted – five 3-hour teaching sessions A WEEK over 2 weeks… it’s very much part of God’s plan.

My earliest memory of Proverbs 29:18 was, of course, from the King James Version: ‘Without vision, the people perish’. Dead. No vision = dead. It loses a fair bit in the need for modern translation – in the NIV, it is ‘Without revelation, the people cast off restraint’. In the Spanish translation: ‘Without prophecy, the people run like a car without brakes’. No vision = no restraint. No vision = out of control. (Amusingly, and I’ve written this in my blog before, when I first spoke on this subject in Cali, Colombia, my great friend Hendrik Hoere translated: he didn’t know me then, and misheard my ‘accent’ – of course, I don’t HAVE an accent!! – and translated it as ‘Without prophecy, the people run like a cow without brains’! Pretty accurate, too, even in the humour!

Joel 2:28-29 (interestingly, Joel 3:1-2 in Spanish Bibles!) – ‘In the last days, I WILL pour out my Spirit on ALL flesh, your old men (me) will see visions, your young men (me – I’m young at heart!) will dream dreams, and your sons and daughters (me – I’m a son!) will prophecy’. VISION. Essential. Critical. And YOUR vision, if you have one, will never die, because when you shuffle off this mortal coil, someone else will carry it on….

One of my visions is to cut people loose to fulfil their FULL purpose in God, that’s why I take teams with me whenever I can. My great mate Alan, from here in Northern Ireland, only found faith in Jesus 5½ years ago. But in those short years, he’s garnered a healing gift that is amazing, he’s prophetic, he has insight, and sees stuff in the Bible that astounds me…. my great mate Robert, from Melbourne, Australia – and he won’t mind me saying this – a year or two ago, would have said he didn’t really have faith for very much at all: when I left Oz in March (and I’m back there next month!), he said ‘When it comes to praying for people to be healed, I don’t need you anymore’. WONDERFUL!!! Stuff like that can’t be taught, it has to be caught. Rob now prays for just about anything that moves…..Alan’s the same. And they’re a heck of a lot younger than me….

So Jesse Duplantis blessed me with that sermon title! There’s a three minute or so link to him preaching it, here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sMwlLdVUQG4

I don’t know about you, but I HAVE a future, I want a BIGGER future than my past (that’s up to 11.10pm tonight UK time!) has ever seen. That lovely man, Alfredo, healed of major walking difficulties, and his sight restored, last Sunday, aged 81, wanted healing ‘so I can fulfil the vision for the new ministry God has given me’… God, give us MORE people like him…..

Delighted to fully confirm today two visits to France before Christmas – one in October, one in December. I so, so love France, just being there is a blessing, but being involved with two fantastic churches, is even better – ‘Le Source’, in Lisieux (October), and ‘Le Gospel’, in Rouen (December). It doesn’t seem possible that almost a year will have passed between visits to those churches, seems like only a few months at most. I remember my grandparents ALWAYS saying ‘time goes quicker when you get older’ – obviously it doesn’t, but it does SEEM to….not only that , I remember thinking how gross it was that my granddad always took, every day, his cod liver oil (just sounds so awful doesn’t it?) – now I take cod liver oil, and Omega 3 every day….. perhaps I’m becoming my granddad!

‘Le Souce’ in Liseux, is led by Francis & Diane Dognon, and is such a lovely church, not surprising really when it’s led by lovely people. Francis is French, Diane English, so communication is easy! ‘Le Gospel’ is led by Bernard & Anne-Margrethe Wenger, Swiss and Danish, respectively, and is also a wonderful church. I’m so delighted to be able to return to both.

Of course, the title of the blog has absolutely NOTHING to do with making these invitations even more appealing (liar!!) – of course, what it really means is that it’s just communion, with cheese…. 🙂 (for those whose French is worse than mine… bread, cheese, and wine… or (hopefully!) 10 baguettes, much cheese, and much wine!).

Now preparing for ‘Mundo de Fe’ church, Barak, Mexico City….leave for England Wednesday evening, fly to the world’s biggest city – and one of my MOST favourite cities, Mexico, a mere 32 million+ and counting, people…. the airport is right in the middle of the city, and so the huge transatlantic airliners come into land just a few hundred feet above one of the busiest roads – the Circuito Interior – in the world! It’s amazing…. It’s like a second second home! Cali and Mexico City vie for that spot! It’s because of Mexico City that I ever got involved in Colombia, anyway, meeting Colombians there way back in 1996! Benny & Paty Osorio remain among my closest friends, as does Benny’s mum, Mimi. His dad, a tremendous friend, with the ‘driest of dry’ sense of humour, went to be with Jesus 4 years ago, and I loved Enrique dearly. Miss him terribly.

It’l be great to be back there, as they’ve move to a new building since I was last there, and I’m looking forward to seeing it. Benny’s organised a few other meetings for me, too, and I’m hoping that he might head back to Cali with me in October….he was there in April.

Made a boo-boo last night – headed for a bathroom ‘pit-stop’ (at my age, it’s no longer optional!!), never put the lights on as it wakes you more, and – idiot – I slipped off a stair and tweaked my ‘worst’ knee, so would appreciate the prayers of any who feel led, to pray that’s it’s all hunky-dory by Wednesday!

It’s been such a different day today….. obviously being home, and not in Cali (!), it being Ireland, so it rained a lot yesterday and today (nothing changes here – the old church adage!), though it did hover around 18-19 degrees….

What was so good about it was that I could go to my online USA bank account, and CANCEL (Yeah!!!!) all the monthly payments for the house – the utilities, the insurance, you name it…. it was a feeling like shackles coming off, and will obviously make life a little easier this end without that open drain sucking money into it. 4½ years has come to an end: and a 17 year-long ‘relationship'(?? – hmm!) with Virginia.

During those 4½ years, I’ve learned so much:

• learned to let go of what I think is ‘security’ – yet again – and to hold possessions lightly
• learned to hand over to God, increasingly, every aspect of my life, my plans, my ideas for where my life should go
• learned to love being back in the UK again, and find some lovely rest in Northern Ireland, something I realise – now – that I never did in the USA
• learned to let go of possessions – again (4th time!) though of course a small percentage of what was ‘home’ (though I realise too that it never was) has come back here now
• learned, like right back at the beginning of moving into ‘ministry’ (what does that mean, really? – it’s just following, or trying to follow, where God is leading, and sometimes dragging, me) – to trust him for every penny, particularly with two homes to pay rent/bills for. He’s good at doing that…..!
• learned to be willing to live ‘without’ only to find that God blesses you more when you lower your own demands!
• learned to appreciate true friends, and hospitality – looking back on 3 years in the States (though I was actually only there for 22% of that time: how do I know that? You ought to go through the US immigration process if you want to know what real ‘red tape’ is!), the only home I was ever invited to, as a single bloke, for a meal, was to the ex-pastor and his wife’s home. Really. No one else. In the USA, hospitality seems to be ‘eating out’ after church on a Sunday morning…. other non-American friends (no nmaes, I’ve not asked their permission!) who’ve lived in the States for 10 times longer than me, and have been part of one church for donkey’s years, have been invited into only 5 homes – in a large church, too….
• learned that, even as someone who has been in ministry for 30 years, it’s easy to get ‘taken in’ by people – and for a very long time: so it’s been good for my discernment, I’ve had to learn that ‘believing the best of people’ – whilst I want it to remain one of my strengths – can also be an incredible weakness

It’s been a huge learning curve. Did I get it wrong, and should never have gone there? I don’t think so, I really believe it was right, if only to learn the above, and so much more. Other non-American friends, who have lived there a long time, said to me when I arrived, ‘Be prepared for culture shock!’ – I laughed, said I’d been there probably between 75-100 times in the previous 13 years, and it was the UK, just bigger. It ain’t!! And it was ‘culture shock’. I still have some lovely friends in Virginia, and, when I finally get to go back, really look forward to seeing them. (And I don’t just men the ‘ex-pats!!).

Deep down inside, I loved – and still have a love for – the USA. It’s just going to take some time to let the ‘bruises’ disappear, the ‘scars’, and not keep poking them (I always used to enjoy poking people’s bruises when I was little 🙁 !!). But the weight off my shoulders today is tangible, the process of living life on one sid of the pond ONLY begins again today, and the process of forgiving and – here, I wish I was more like Jesus – trying to choose not to remember. God’s so flipping amazing, isn’t he, in that he ‘chooses to remember our sins no more’…. God, make me like that with other people, please….

So, if this whole process has been to either make me more like Jesus, or realise that I need/want to more like Jesus, then it’s all been well, well worth it….

I thought I’d put this in a separate post for those who’ve specifically been praying, and for those who have wonderfully helped, financially, in the ‘closing down’ of my ‘life’ in the United States!

I heard, the day before going to Colombia, that my shipment from the USA, subject of such ridiculous stress and trauma, had finally made it to this lovely island. It cost a humongous sum in the end, and the legal demand from a lawyer to the moving company outlining his responsibility to pay for it, has, so far, in 5 weeks since he received it, gone unanswered. The owner of that moving company is a ‘christian’ (small ‘c’ purposely) – it seems his already liquidated company acted illegally before he removed my goods from the house there, and among some senior lawyers in Hampton, Virginia, he is apparently well-known and utterly despised and disrespected. What a reputation to have as a ‘known’ christian…..

The fact that he hasn’t responded, with any honour at all, and neither have I heard from the former pastor, his wife, the current pastors (the former pastor’s son and daughter in law), means that the only course of action open to me is to formally sue him, and take him to court. BUT…. that means $10,000 AT LEAST up front, and, in the ‘supposedly’ advanced nation, legal costs aren’t necessarily the responsibility of the ‘defendant’, so it could last a long time, cost multiple 10’s of thousands, and I’d never get it back. So, I just have to leave it here: be thankful my stuff has arrived (though I have no idea what condition it is in, and I don’t REALLY have time before going to Mexico to start sorting it out – it’s in a storage unit about 2 miles from my house).

Thank you, all who so wonderfully helped me, and all who prayed. I’m so grateful to you.

I got another great bit of news yesterday, too: from the Estate Agent (Realtor!) to say that the sale of the house in Virginia finally completed on Tuesday afternoon, at 5 pm US time, so, letting the court case go, it finally means I’m free of the USA for the time being. The Estate Agent has been brilliant: she’s done everything she could, knowing the situation I’ve been in. Sadly, the person who promised to ‘look after it’, didn’t: it ended up with dry rot in back and front doors, the roof needing to be replaced, termites (a result of the same person’s failure to check when it flooded 3 years ago), and quite a few other issues which all ended up costing a fair bit. Forgiving said person isn’t the issue: I just wish I was more like God, and could CHOOSE NOT TO REMEMBER…. guess we’re all in that place until we finally become like Jesus, when he returns, or if we pre-empt that and go and see him first! I think the abandonment by ‘friends’ in the USA in May 2009, and all the subsequent crap that’s happened in the 4¼ years since then, will leave their scars. I pray that I won’t keep looking at – or poking – those scars for too long….

And, bizarrely, and theoretically, now it’s all over, my 5 year period of waiting, having been returned in May 2009 (and now known to be unfairly returned!), will be up in April next year, and, as I say, theoretically, I can go back. At least I’ll transit, and I have a few preaching invitations to fulfil once I can get back….

IT’S OVER!!!!!!!!